Individuality

I’ve been trying to describe people lately and failing miserably. I’ve found myself saying things like, “She’s like the girl version of the guy we went to youth with, but out of our friend group she’s like the super down-to-earth, logical, organized girl, except different.” And “He’s sorta like my one co-teacher, but also a little like the guy I worked with when I was seventeen, but not quite like that, either.” Or “She reminds me of the girl that was my best friend from the ages of 3 to 18, but more introverted, maybe?” And “He reminds me of one of my favorite uncles, if my uncle was more extroverted and outgoing.”
 
At one point I finally gave up and just told the person I was talking to that my descriptions weren’t any good. “We’ve reached the point in our friendship,” I told her, “where that person is an individual now, and I can’t really compare them to anyone.”
 
And it’s true. My friends are all incomparable in so many ways. Each one fills such a specific place in my life. I don’t try to quantify which is more valuable—the one I talk to when I need to laugh, the one I depend on for logical advice, the one I love to visit with because our conversations are full of theories and novel ideas, or the one who gives me affirmations. I need each one of them. I can’t hold them up next to each other and draw parallels. I don’t want to. I love their uniqueness, their little quirks, the way each one is a complete individual.
 
It doesn’t happen overnight. At first, when I get to know someone, I almost automatically compare them to someone in my life I already know. As I learn to know them better, my ideas of who they are shift and change and I delight in finding out all the little things that make that person different—the fact that he prefers Gatorade and Mountain Dew over water and Dr. Pepper, or the way that she always has matching tennis shoes for every outfit. Maybe it’s the fact that he is collecting license plates from every province or that she is trying to convince her husband to let her get a pig.
 
But it’s so much more than those things. It’s the way one person in my life has the ability to say just the right thing to lighten the mood, or how another quietly fills in all the little background odds and ends that need to be done. It’s how one person never says a negative word about someone else, and another has a gift for giving food to those who need it. It’s obvious one has excellent taste and is called upon time and again to help with décor, while another organizes things the rest of us didn’t even know could be organized.
 
But when it comes to individuality, I forget that it applies to me, too.
 
I look around me and see amazing people doing incredible things, and I’m completely overwhelmed by my own inadequacies. I’ll never keep a spotless house like my one friend does. I’m incapable of coming up with perfect, sentimental gifts like another has the ability to do. I can’t invent beautiful patterns and whip out new dresses on a whim. I don’t have the gift of writing music. And I will likely always be socially awkward and say random facts in places that don’t make sense to anyone else in the group.
 
I have taught for roughly ninety-two years or so, according to some of my co-teachers, but all those hours in the classroom have not taught me to be efficient at getting my schoolwork done. I will probably continue to struggle with knowing how to teach verb tenses effectively. Grading Penmanship will always be a thorn in my flesh.
 
I could go on, but the point here is not my own failures. The point is how I see myself and you see yourself. While we can find good in others and can so clearly see how another person’s creative and giving spirit balances out the fact that they might always be running late, we fail to understand that we, too, are individuals with a unique set of faults and gifts.
 
We forget that God does not compare us to each other. He doesn’t expect me to be a duplicate of Martha when He created me to be Mary. He doesn’t expect me to fill the position of Esther when what He needs from me is the service of Abigail.
 
And sometimes we forget that God gives us the battle He has for us to fight today. Maybe what He has for me is to work on my patience rather than struggling to balance extra acts of service with my already busy schedule, but because I have an idea of who I think I need to be, I keep striving to fight those battles, rather than letting God lead me into the area of sanctification that He has for me. Sometimes I get frustrated that my attempts at virtue are apparently stymied, and what God is really wanting me to face is vulnerability.
 
How well do I really understand that God sees me as an individual? He is not comparing my progress to that of anyone else. He doesn’t sit back on His throne and line us up from favorite to least favorite by how well we are performing. He knows we are each a special creation. He sees every one of us as a unique work of art with our own weaknesses He wants to refine and strengths He wants to use.
 
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10) This verse comes from a portion of scripture that speaks of grace. We are reminded that we should not be complacent in our works, but understand that grace is the only reason we will ever have any measure of good in life. It is this same understanding of grace that will lend to our acceptance of who we are and where we are in our journey with God. Relying on His mercy lets us focus more on what He desires for us to grow in rather than us frantically trying to find perfection.
 
Learning that I was created to be an individual, not a carbon copy, gives me the freedom to move through life with joy, regardless of the things I notice about myself that seem less than what others possess. And it is the recognition of myself and my own failures and the acceptance of the love of God upon which I can avail myself, that gives me the humility and understanding to build relationships with others. It is in seeing myself as I really am and the ways God is working on me that allows me to make allowances for the areas where God is slowly refining someone else.
 
His love for us is inconceivable. His creative hand in the formation of every person is obvious. Let us learn to appreciate the differences He has formed, even in ourselves.