Someone once said, “Obedience is faith in action.” In theory, I love that thought. In reality? Well, it’s hard on the flesh. Another wise person made this statement: “To deny yourself you must know yourself.”
Have you ever felt two thoughts collide in your mind and knew you were on the cusp of a larger understanding? That's what happened to me. So I did what I often do in this situation: I tried to work it out by writing it down. I know I don't understand everything yet. I'm not even sure I've gotten everything right. But I hope someone will let me know if what you read here doesn't line up with the Bible.
First of all, what does "knowing yourself" really mean? I think many of us grow up with the mistaken idea that we do
know ourselves. Favorite color? Check. Favorite song? Check. Favorite food? Check.
I also know that I do not like Brussel sprouts, that I have dark hair, and I am curious about everything.
As the years pass, we become comfortable in who we think we are. I love everyone and have a big heart. I might say some critical things about people, but that’s not who I really am. I’m bad at sewing. People probably judge me for not doing my own, and it does make me feel like a bit of a failure. I’m not really into music. I mean, I might listen to a few songs, but doesn’t everybody?
Somehow, we start to rationalize our decisions and make exceptions for ourselves that we wouldn’t make for others. Our good intentions become our opinions of who we are, not the reality. We lose sight of the honesty that allows us a view of both the good in who we are and the bad. True humility, after all, sees both.
When I’ve again wasted too much time on my phone, I comfort myself that I’m not addicted. It’s not a good thing, probably, but I’m not that person, I tell myself. When I realize I’m letting fear control an area of my life, I continue to allow it, because it’s just one little thing. I’m not usually like that. When I’ve lost patience with a situation, I comfort myself by remembering all the times I’ve stayed calm. I don’t normally lose my cool. That’s just not me.
And before I know it, I’ve begun believing in an alternate version of myself and ignoring the truth that both are parts of who I am.
If I were to honestly know myself, I would have to recognize that some parts of me need to be denied. I can, by the power of God, deny myself of time on the phone, refuse fear a handhold in my heart, and keep my patience intact. I must be honest in order to allow myself to learn and grow.
Obedience may be faith in action, but obedience is also an act of self-denial. Obedience doesn’t come naturally. Obedience takes sacrifice. It takes humility. It takes letting go of my own wishes, of the attitudes I cling to, of the dreams I’ve cherished.
And that kind of obedience is where faith definitely comes in. Faith to follow when I can't see two steps ahead. Faith enough to take responsibility for choices I've made, and enough faith to trust in forgiveness. Faith to drop the question, "Why?" and submit to authority, whether I understand or not. Faith when answers to my problems aren't evident at all and I wonder if God is really going to come through for me this time.
This kind of faithful obedience defies the logic and understanding that we have come to believe we need. Sometimes the answer is simply, “Because I am a human in need of sanctification and a sinner in need of saving.”
And that, I believe, is the ultimate knowledge of oneself: an honesty that allows me to see myself devoid of my good intentions. To find a true understand my weakness, my utter helplessness as a creation of dust to such an extent that I am able to deny myself and obey the simple nudges of the Spirit. Not just in a head-knowledge way, but in a real heart and soul way. To catch a glimpse of who I really am without Him.
So this, then, is my conclusion. I must have enough faith in the God I have chosen to serve that I am able to obey Him as an act of denying the self that He shows me clearly when I am honest enough to ask. It’s not a pretty sight, this selfish, human me. As Isaiah 64:6 says, “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.”
Yet we need not feel hopeless. “For the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” (Isaiah 41:13) A search for the truth and knowledge of who we really are will not leave us forsaken. Rather, It will result in God holding my hand and leading me forward into a path of new growth and greater freedom.
Faith leads to obedience.
Self-denial is only possible when I have learned to know myself.
Honesty is a choice I make that ultimately leads towards faith.
That shadow self, where we stuff all the things we don’t want to see about ourselves 😀 and then we wonder why we lack the strength and faith of a whole person with clear understanding
ReplyDeleteI think obedience is the choice and act we can do to bring about faith. It’s a way to “lay hands on faith” when it seems like vapor.
DeleteThank you, Della! I understand what you're saying. I've gone back and forth on that in my mind. It seems like if we don't have at least a little faith to begin with we don't have the ability to deny ourselves and be obedient. Buy I completely agree that when we feel in the dark, being obedient to what we know can lead to a greater faith. I shall certainly continue to ponder.
DeleteExcuse me for continuing to reply here— but as a fellow INFP I’m fascinated with why we do what we do. Today I’m thinking obedience is a way to prove to ourselves where our values are. It’s a way to prove our faith to ourselves. It’s a “put your money where your mouth is.” Obedience doesn’t buy us salvation but it proves to us we believe. Because I believe, I will to do. And inversely, our unbelief is also proved.
DeleteI’m of the “find a way to want to” group. Still requires faith but it’s a “running after” or compelled/drawn kind of obedience as opposed to suffering/squelching life— which is what self denial sounds like to me.
ReplyDelete