A Real Artist

     Norman Rockwell refused to call himself an artist. He saw real art as being more a Rembrandt thing, not the homey images he was so popular for. He tried different painting styles, searching his soul to see if there was a "real artist" hidden somewhere inside. When there was an outcry from his publisher, he stopped. Though America at large lauded his prowess with the brush and the way he was able to bring people to life upon a canvas, he never gave himself a title other than illustrator.
    I understand, I think. many times I've tried to search myself to see if I am a "real artist" or a "real writer" or a "real teacher." Maybe you've been there, too, wondering if you are truly completing your mission as a mother, a friend, a daughter, or whatever other position you find yourself filling. The standards we set for ourselves can be very high. 
    There is one area of life that I sometimes discover it is difficult to search: my relationship with God. The feeling I get is akin to being atop a very tall building and being afraid of looking down. What will I see? What if I fall? What if I can't do it? It's just easier to stand back and say, "Oh, yes, I'm sure I'm a Christian."
    As time on earth draws to a close, searching my relationship with God is the most important thing of all for me to ponder. Unfortunately it's not very pleasant. It seems much easier to compare myself to those I see around me. My high standards disappear, and I'm quite happy to say, "See? I'm holding a paintbrush. I must be an artist!" We forget that anyone can slap paint on a canvas, but it takes an artist to make the colors blend into a picture.
    We would like to think that just because I follow most or all of the Church's guidelines I'm OK. A living, breathing, passionate relationship with Christ is smothered by our own ideas and the hope that we'll be all right depending on customs, traditions, and head knowledge.
    It's not enough. We've got to go deeper. It's not our standards that matter, but those of God. Yes, it's scary to let God lead us deeper. Our knees tremble as we stand looking down into the depths of our own hearts, but there's no alternative for those who wish to be saved.
    Are you a "real Christian?" Don't depend on your own discernment alone. Open up to a friend. Talk to your minister. Seek advice from an elder you trust. But above all, take it up with God. Don't be afraid of where He will lead you. His heart wishes only to draw you nearer to Him. His steady hand will help you hold the brush and guide you in living the life of a true artist.